


Sincerity is Scary

by fleetwoodsnac



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), The 1975 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a The 1975 Song, Concerts, Contracts, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Inspired by Music, Inspired by The 1975, Kang Seulgi-centric, Mentioned BLACKPINK, Mentioned Kang Seulgi, Music, Seulrene, jenlisa, jenseul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27873618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleetwoodsnac/pseuds/fleetwoodsnac
Summary: Jennie Kim finds what she's looking for in Kang Seulgi.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi, Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Kang Seulgi/Jennie Kim
Comments: 14
Kudos: 33





	1. Girls

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't the most popular BlackVelvet ship but the dynamic between Jennie and Seulgi's personalities are so interesting to me so I thought I would explore it through this AU. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want to listen to the 1975 while reading. :)

Jennie is bored. 

She’s bored of the little bubble she grew up in. 

The bubble that continues to expand regardless of wherever she goes. 

Every mess cleaned up without question, every fear is quelled by the promise of success and certainty. 

She recently got dumped by someone who was too good for her but she felt nothing. 

Sometimes she taps on that space on her chest where her heart is supposed to be.

“Hello? Anyone home?” she asks, never expecting an answer.

She has done it all and tried it all. The parties, the alcohol, the bad decisions and the good ones. But she wakes up everyday thinking dreading the monotony. The never-ending cycle of sameness. 

Which is why she finds herself in a narrow alleyway between unmarked buildings in Hipjiro. She’s going through a list of “hidden gems”- quaint cafes, vintage shops and tiny bars in this once industrial part of Seoul.

She tells her office she’s on a research trip- trying to find buildings to buy out, convert and sell for ten times the price of what she paid for them. 

It’s a lie but it’s convenient. 

Maybe, just maybe, in this part of Seoul she’s never been to before, she will finally find what she’s been looking for. 

She just finished having the most delicious date pie and earl grey tea at a hidden cafe owned by an English man who moved to Seoul seven years ago. 

On a whim, she asks him where his favorite place in Hipjiro is. 

“What are you looking for?,” he asks. Not realizing that the question lands heavier than he intended it to. 

Words run through Jennie’s head--- Acceptance? Safety? Peace? Excitement? 

She realizes that the man is waiting for her answer, she inhales and says “anything….I just want to feel something.” 

He smiles and tells her he knows of the perfect spot. 

“It’s not illegal, is it?” Jennie asks with a straight face. 

He shakes his head and takes out a pen from his apron pocket. He takes a napkin and draws out a map to a small little record store called High Fidelity Records. 

She tries to follow the map he drew out for her but it’s a bit confusing. She feels like she’s going around in circles. Just when she’s about to give up, she sees a stairway lined with graffiti. On a whim she decides to see where it takes her. When she reaches the top she finds herself right where she’s supposed to be. 

The store is small, unfinished cement floors and walls with light wood accents. It smells of coffee and your grandmother’s closet with a hint of sandalwood. There seems to be no one around but she decides to look around anyway. 

Out of nowhere, the sound of a song starts to fill the room…

_Bite your face to spite your nose...17 and a half years old…_

The song sounds like nothing she’s ever heard before. It makes her want to dance...so she does. In the middle of this empty record store in an unknown part of Seoul, Jennie Kim dances like no one is watching.

_I know you’re looking for salvation in the secular age...but I’m not your Savior_

But someone is watching. Seulgi sees her through the security camera in the backroom while she was in the middle of tallying up that month’s sales. She can’t help but smile at this girl dancing in the middle of her showroom, dancing to her favorite song. 

Jennie has never felt more alive. So alive that she doesn’t see Seulgi walk out of the backroom to watch her. 

_They’re just girls breaking hearts…._

Jennie spins around when the chorus hits. It’s at that moment when she sees a girl watching her. She screams. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.. It’s just…. You looked…You’re really good at dancing.”

Jennie just stares at the bear-like girl standing right in front of her.

Jennie. loves. bears.

She can feel her cheeks turning red.

The girl takes a step closer.

They’re about the same height.

Jennie doesn’t know why she notices this immediately. 

“Seulgi. Kang Seulgi. I work here”. The girl sticks out her hand and smiles.

Jennie notices the tiny dimple on the left side of Seulgi’s cheek. She tries to regain her composure but that lone dimple is making it hard for her to do so. 

She takes the girl’s hand. 

“Jennie” she says. “I’m sorry...it’s just...it’s a really great song.”

“You like the 1975 too?” Seulgi asks when she realizes that they’re still holding hands.

Both of them let go immediately. 

“No, this is the first time I’m hearing them.” Jennie says while averting her gaze. She looks around the store, trying to look at anywhere but the girl standing right in front of her. 

Seulgi opens her mouth and closes it again without saying anything. She puts hers hands into her pockets and takes them out immediately. 

Jennie laughs at the dumbfounded expression that has overtaken Seulgi’s face. 

“I usually just listen to hiphop, EDM, Top 40...whatever they play in clubs”

“I mean dugs--dugs---dugs--dugs music can be cool sometimes...it’s just not for me” Seulgi says with matching fist pumps into the air. 

Jennie laughs. “It’s tragic, I know. But I’m here now and you can help me”.

A giant smile takes over Seulgi’s face. Her dimple is back and Jennie is on the verge of losing it. 

“Okay, well...how much time do you have?”

Before Jennie can answer, Seulgi starts walking around the store with great urgency.

Jennie follows her around. It’s been a while since she’s seen someone this excited about anything. She’s almost jealous.

“Well we have to start with the classics right? Fleetwood Mac. The Beatles. Carole King. Velvet Underground.”

She grabs records from those artists and puts them in front of Jennie.

Jennie goes through them, memories of Sunday mornings with her grandfather flashing through her mind.“I never realized that records are so pretty” she says.

“They’re actually an art form in themselves.” Seulgi holds up a record with a banana on the cover. “This one is by Andy Warhol!”

“No way!” Jennie says and she grabs the record from her.

Their hands accidentally touch, as the subtle sensation of electricity runs through their bodies. They both feel it but they pretend like they don’t.

This takes Seulgi out of her zone and she stands there quietly while Jennie looks through the huge pile of records in front of her. 

“I’m sorry I got too excited…You don’t have to buy any of these….I can just put them back when you leave” Seulgi says without looking at her. 

“Yeah these might be a bit too much for me...but it’s cool. I actually learned something.” Jennie says trying to make her feel better.

The music stops. 

“I need to go and change that” Seulgi says before she walks away.

Jennie thinks about leaving. The feeling you get when you finally get that thing that you’ve been wanting but it scares you so you want to runaway. 

But then suddenly…

The sounds of trumpets fill the speakers.

_And irony’s okay, I suppose...Culture is to blame…_

Seulgi reappears with that same smile on her face. “What? No dance?”

Jennie rolls her eyes. “Who is this?” she asks.

“1975, the same band but different record. I’m seeing them live tonight so I’m doing my homework. I want to be that annoying person who sings all the lyrics with the band during a concert.” Seulgi says.

Jennie starts bobbing her head and moving her hips without realizing what she’s doing.

_I'm sure that you're not just another girl_

Their eyes lock for a brief moment. 

Seulgi laughs. “You should come. You can be my dance partner.”

Jennie is caught off-guard. This is the last thing she expected to happen today. 

But she feels something. She doesn’t know what she’s feeling but it’s….something. 

_Why can't we be friends when we are lovers?_

“Yeah why not? Send me the details and I’ll meet you there.” Jennie says before heading out. 


	2. UGH!

Jennie is going to her first rock concert.

After texting her assistant to ask her to get tickets to the concert, she takes her car back to Gangnam to go shopping.

“I need your help I don't know what to wear,” she whines to her friend Rose who is on the other end of the line.

“Saint Laurent...a hundred percent….” Rose says before adding, “leave your Chanel at home.”

“Ughhhhh I can’t do this,” Jennie says collapsing in the middle of the fitting room.“What if she thinks I’m a total loser?”

“Jennie Kim is actually...nervous?” Rose says patiently on the other line. “Now I really can’t wait to meet this girl”.

“You’re never going to meet her, this is a one-time thing. A cultural reset. A pallette cleanse. One night of normalcy.” Jennie says while trying on a Saint Laurent jacket that kind of works. But kind of won’t do, not tonight.

“So does this mean you’re over your breakup?” Rose asks.

“There’s nothing to get over. It was fun and then it was not.” Jennie says absent-mindedly while she tries on a sheer black Saint Laurent button down blouse. She switches to a video call so Rose can see.

“Jennie Kim is on a mission tonight. Hide your daughters!” Rose teases.

Jennie rolls her eyes and looks at herself in the mirror.

“Is it too much?” Jennie says in a moment of insecurity. 

“You look great, Jen. Just make sure you bring a jacket so you won’t get cold.”

“Thanks mom!” she replies.

Rose wishes her luck and leaves her to her own devices.


	3. If I Believe You

Jennie is nervous.

She settles on a black sheer black button down shirt, skinny jeans and boots. This isn’t something she’d normally wear but she looks good. She spent the rest of the afternoon listening to the 1975 while sneaking in a quick pilates session before getting ready for the concert.

She tells her chauffeur to stop driving a block away from the venue. She doesn’t want Seulgi to see her being driven around Seoul in her father’s Bentley. She gets off and walks the rest of the way.

Rose was right. It is a bit chilly. 

She sees Seulgi before the girl sees her. This gives Jennie time to check out her date. She’s in a black leather biker jacket, a white graphic tee that says “You Good?” and wears her hair in a messy ponytail.

“Oh, I’m good” she thinks to herself while walking towards Seulgi. 

Jennie feels her heart beat faster than usual. She thinks that it might just be the cold. She starts rehearsing what she’s going to say in her head until Seulgi spots her through the crowd. She flashes a smile, and suddenly Jennie doesn’t feel so cold anymore. 

“You look….you’re...wow” Seulgi says as she approaches. “You looked like you were walking in slow motion”

Jennie breaks into her gummy smile when she hears this. She tries to keep a straight face, a cool exterior, but she fails.

“Too cheesy? I’ll keep it at a minimum for the rest of the night” Seulgi says apologetically. 

Jennie gets told she looks good all the time, but this is the first time she feels like it actually meant something.

Jennie bites her lip and reaches down to take Seulgi’s hand in hers. “Shall we?” she says. 

They start walking towards the entrance but right when they reach the gates they start going in opposite directions. 

“The nosebleed seats are this way” Seulgi says while gesturing to a flight of stairs.“The show was sold out and these were all I could get”. 

Jennie reaches for a set of tickets hiding in her back pocket. “I actually called in a favor and got us into the VIP section” Jennie says with a smile. “You don’t mind? Do you?”

Seulgi breaks into a smile that looks a lot like Christmas morning. 

“Are you serious right now?” Seulgi asks. 

Seulgi takes a step towards her, she closes in on the distance. There’s nothing but a sliver of space in between them now.

Jennie thinks that it might be too soon for a kiss. But Seulgi’s hands are on her shoulder and their eyes are locked onto each other. 

Okay, maybe a kiss won’t be that bad, she thinks to herself.

She braces herself, tries to remember if she popped in a breath mint right before getting out of her car. 

But then she feels a sharp pain on her right shoulder. And another one on her left. 

“Are you even real?” Seulgi asks as she continues to pinch her.

“I’m taking the tickets back if you don’t stop that,” Jennie says while swatting Seulgi’s hands away. 

“Come on, I don’t want you to miss the opening act.”

Rock concerts are loud. And the people are rowdy. And their sweat rubs up against you. And her legs kind of hurt from standing around in heeled boots all night. But the music is great. And there is wine (lots of it). And Seulgi sings and dances and she tries to sing and dance along with her too. Everything before that night disappears and all she has is this girl, and her smile and the music. 

The band switches from their fast-paced hits to their slower ones. The mood shifts. The lights dim. The concert hall is filled with mobile phones that look like fireflies floating around en masse. 

_ I _ _ 've got a God-shaped hole that's infected. And I'm petrified of being alone now _

They’re dancing facing each other now. Their arms wrapped around each other, foreheads resting on the other. 

Jennie stares right at Seulgi, who owns the most beautiful set of eyes she has ever seen. 

“'If I believe you, will that make it stop?” 

Seulgi sings to her while the band plays, now a distant sound in the background. 

“If I told you I need you, is that what you want?” Jennie sings back.

A surprised look creeps up on Seulgi’s face.

“I did my homework” Jennie whispers into her ear.

_ I’m broken and bleeding and asking for help _

Seulgi leans in for a kiss, but she stops right before their lips meet. 

She waits patiently for Jennie to cross the distance between them. 

_ And I’m asking you Jesus, please show yourself _

Jennie feels everything she hasn’t felt in the last 23 years of her life.

All the magic, and surprise, and mystery of not knowing, of uncertainty, of living in the moment.

_ And if I believe you, will that make it stop? If I told you I need you, is that what you want? _

Seulgi bites down on her lower lip. She’s still waiting. Patiently.

  
  


_ If I’m lost then how can I find myself? If I’m lost then how can I find myself? _

Jennie closes her eyes and leans into the kiss. 

  
  
  



	4. Falling For You

Jennie is hungry.

They’re standing outside of the concert hall. Seulgi’s leather jacket is draped around Jennie’s shoulders. 

There’s a rush of people all around them but they’re standing still locked in an embrace. 

Seulgi leans into her. Is this a bad time to bring up that Jennie hates PDA? 

But her fears are averted when she hears a whisper in her ear. 

“You hungry?” Seulgi asks with a smirk on her face.

Jennie laughs. “I thought you’d never ask.” 

Seulgi takes her hand and leads through the crowd. 

The crowd thins and the streets are becoming empty.

They walk in silence for a while. The silence is nice. 

They barely spoke to each other during the concert too. The kissing got in the way of that. 

Jennie realizes that for someone who always needs to be in control, she suddenly isn’t. For once in her life, someone else is in control and she’s okay with it.

They turn a corner and a little hole in the wall restaurant reveals itself. 

“I hope you like dumplings,” Seulgi says before they head inside. 

They’re greeted by an elderly woman who Seulgi greets with a peck on the cheek. 

“Omma, this is Jennie” Seulgi says to her before turning around to grab Jennie’s hand.

Jennie plasters a smile on her face, she tries to mask the panic she feels about being introduced to someone’s mother on a first date. 

“You’re so beautiful, Jennie,” the older woman says before telling them to take a seat. Seulgi tells Jennie to take a seat while she heads to the kitchen but her mom stops her. “It’s rude to leave your guest” she says and forces Seulgi to take a seat. 

They sit in silence for a while but this time, the silence is uncomfortable. 

Jennie refuses to meet Seulgi’s eyes. She uses her phone just to have something to do. 

  
  


She sends Rose a text that says, “SHE INTRODUCED ME TO HER MOTHER. HELP.”

And to her chauffeur, “Meet me outside ASAP”.

It was nice while it lasted, she thinks to herself. 

“So I know it’s a bit weird to introduce someone to their mother on a first date,” Seulgi begins to say. “I’m not….I’m not trying to pull anything. It’s just we serve the best dumplings in this part of town, and I missed her and I wanted someplace quiet so we could talk.” 

Jennie looks at her and she doesn’t say anything. 

“We can leave if you want. Or you can leave. I’ll stay. But… but I’d really like it if you stuck around.” 

At that moment, her mom comes out of the kitchen with two plates of dumplings and a bottle of soju. She winks at Seulgi before leaving. 

The dumplings smell really really really good. So good that Jennie forgets about her emergency exit. 

Seulgi starts mixing a bunch of different sauces into a small bowl.

“Try this. It’s my secret recipe” she tells Jennie.

Jennie reaches over to try a dumpling and dunks it into Seulgi’s secret sauce. These are the best dumplings she’s ever had. Her eyes grow wide and a smile creeps into her face.

“Good right?” Seulgi says, satisfied. 

Jennie finishes a plate of dumplings in no time. 

“Is this how you win girls over? Through your mom’s cooking?” Jennie asks while she opens the bottle of soju and pours some into a glass for each of them.

“I didn’t think you still needed to be won over?” 

“Lucky for you, I don’t. Because this….” Jennie to the both of them, “is a one time thing.”

“No one has ever ever ever ever ever said that about my omma’s mandu.”

“I’m not talking about the mandu, I’m talking about you and me...the dumplings are just collateral damage”

Seulgi doesn’t say anything. She takes a sip of the soju. 

Jennie studies her face, she wonders what the girl is thinking. A pain stabs her heart when she realizes this might be the last time she sees this view. 

Her phone beeps. It’s her chauffeur telling her that he’s outside. 

She takes this as a sign. 

“I need to go. Early meeting tomorrow” she says as she stands up. 

Seulgi still doesn’t say anything but she walks her out of the restaurant.

“This was fun, thanks for taking me to my first rock concert,” Jennie says as she leans over to smoothen the frown lines that are all over Seulgi’s face. 

She leans over for one last kiss. 

“Good bye, Jennie Kim” Seulgi whispers when they finally pull themselves apart.

Suelgi grabs Jennie’s arms to pull her closer. Not willing to let go just yet. She leans her forehead against Jennie’s. They’re almost the same height. Their eyes align perfectly. 

“I just want you to know,  on this night, and in this light I think I'm falling for you” Seulgi says, barely a whisper. She takes a moment to kiss Jennie’s neck before adding, “and maybe you, change your mind ?”

Jennie feels her defenses crumble. But she remembers who she is, she remembers the life that is waiting for her outside all of this. If she didn’t care about Seulgi then maybe she would have reconsidered. But she quickly realizes that she has fallen for her too. Which is why she gives her hand a final squeeze before turning around and walking to her car without looking back.

_ I'll take it one day at a time, soon you will be mine, oh, but I want you now… _

She leans her head on the car window as she makes her way home. 

It’s a couple of miles too late when she realizes that she’s still wearing Seulgi’s leather jacket. 

_ When the smoke is in your eyes, you look so alive _


	5. Pressure

Jennie is tired.

She didn’t sleep a wink when she got home from the concert last night- too busy thinking about all the things that could have been.

She sits in a meeting room filled with people and yet she feels so alone.

She tries her best to pay attention, she nods and smiles when people turn her way. This is where she’s supposed to be. This is the life she was made for. But she knows there’s someplace else she would rather be.

“Hipjiro,” Jennie addresses the statement to no one in particular. “I want us to look into acquiring as much buildings in that area as possible. I see a gentrification wave coming and I want us to be ahead of it. I expect to see reports on my desk by the end of the week.”

She stands up to leave without waiting for a reply. 

  
  


\--

Jennie gets home to her empty apartment. 

There are places she could be, people she could call- but tonight, she’s tired of pretending. She lights up some candles and draws a bath. She takes a bottle of wine, and a book she’s been reading into the bathroom. 

Jennie isn’t a lonely person because that would require her to feel something. She’s numb, and this is the way she was raised. She remembers the only time she ever showed emotion- she was seven years old and this older kid from school bullied her and poured hot chocolate into her backpack. 

Her father picked her up from school that day- a once a month occurrence that she feels he does out of obligation more than affection. When she got into the car, her father asked her why she was crying. She told him all about what happened. All she wanted was for him to hold her, to tell her that it was going to be okay. “If she doesn’t like you then don’t like her back. It’s as simple as that,” he says. “Your emotions will be of no use to you in life,” he adds before going back to the stack of papers waiting for him on his lap. 

Jennie looks down at her fingers and sees that they’re all wrinkled. She gets out of the tub and puts on the silk robe that’s waiting for her. When she walks back into the bedroom, she sees Seulgi’s jacket waiting for her. 

She picks it up and takes a deep inhale. 

The clock on her bedside table says it’s 10:30 p.m. 

She walks back into the bathroom to get changed. 


	6. Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy)

Jennie is in control.

There are nights when she likes to sneak out to drive around the city by herself. This is one of those nights. 

She walks up the graffiti lined steps that lead to High Fidelity records. 

The plan is simple: to drop off the jacket and to be rid of Seulgi forever. When she reaches the top of the stairs she sees that the lights are still open and there is music playing. She freezes. This wasn’t a part of the plan- she thought they would be closed by now.

“You can go in, they’re open,” a voice says behind her. She startles but recovers quickly enough to see the blonde-haired girl smiling back at her. “I know, it’s confusing when it’s your first time. But this really is a secret bar at night. Let me walk you in.”

A series of curse words run through Jennie’s head as she walks into the record store. She wasn’t ready for this. Aside from the fact that she has no plans of seeing Seulgi, she wast dressed in sweatpants, an oversized hoodie with a bear on it and Seulgi’s jacket layered on top because she felt a bit cold. No makeup on- just the nine step skincare routine she religiously puts on before going to be every night. She considers, turning around, just telling the blonde haired girl to give Seulgi the jacket but before she could do anything---

“Wannniiieeeee! And who’s that with---Jennie?” Seulgi says as she walks towards them. 

“She seemed a little lost,” Wendy says as Seulgi pulls her into a hug. Jennie hopes that the punch in the gut she just felt doesn’t register on her face. 

“She does that sometimes,” Seulgi says, with a smirk on her face while looking at Jennie.

“I just came to bring you this,” Jennie starts taking off the leather jacket she was wearing.

Wendy raises an eyebrow at Seulgi. 

“Keep it on for now. I know you can get cold sometimes,” Suelgi says as she puts her arm around Jennie. “Let me get you a drink.”

Seulgi leads the two women to a corner of the store where she setup a makeshift bar. Wendy and Jennie take their seats while Seulgi puts on an apron and starts fiddling around with the bottles. 

“We decided to try this out since the rent was getting high and we had trouble keeping up,” Seulgi says as if answering the questions that were racing through Jennie’s mind. “It reminds me of my favourite bars in Tokyo where a grandpa would stand behind a bar and play everyone his favorite records.”

Seulgi puts two salt-lined glasses on the bar and pours a drink for each of them.

“What is this?” Jennie eyes the drink suspiciously. 

“Just trust me,” Seulgi says.

Wendy and Jennie clink their glasses together while downing the drink. They both scrunch up their faces and Seulgi laughs. “That’s tequila with lemon and a bit of hot sauce!” 

Wendy tosses a napkin at her but misses completely. Jennie takes Seulgi’s jacket off. 

“Hey, but at least that warmed you up right?” Seulgi says before clearing their glasses and taking out a bottle of wine to make up for it. 

Jennie watches the two girls recount a drunken experience they had when they were a lot younger. She can’t seem to read the situation - if she’s being a third wheel or if they’re just friends. 

Wendy’s phone rings and she excuses herself, leaving Seulgi and Jennie alone for the first time that night. 

“Hello, stranger.” Seulgi says while leaning across the bar to get closer to her. Jennie leans back as a reflex. “I never thought I would see you again.”

“I didn’t think I would see you again either,” Jennie says while playing with the glass of wine that was right in front of her. 

“You just couldn’t keep away, huh?” Seulgi says while trying to raise her right eyebrow. She fails, and the effect is cute instead of seductive. 

Jennie laughs and puts her hand on top of Seulgi’s. She looks her straight in the eye and says, “sometimes we’re just in the mood to make mistakes” while raising her right eyebrow effortlessly. 

Wendy walks in with a gorgeous taller woman. 

“JOYEEEEJOYEEEEJOYEEE,” Seulgi says excitedly as Joy struts into the room. 

“Joy, this is Jennie, Jennie this is Joy. Wendy and Joy are my best friends, we grew up together”.

Jennie tries to ignore the fact that she’s relieved. 

“So I guess no one here is paying tonight, huh?” Jennie says. “Your plan is kind of failing”. 

Wendy and Joy laugh at what she said while Seulgi tries to hold down a frown that turns into a smile. 

“I like her already,” Joy says as she takes a seat beside Jennie. 

Wendy goes to the record player and starts to DJ, while Seulgi pours them more drinks. 

Eventually, Wendy goes to dance with Wendy in the middle of the room leaving Seulgi and Jennie alone at the bar. 

_And I stop myself for a minute, see if my heart's still in it_

Seulgi takes the empty seat beside Jennie. She inches the stool a bit closer so they’re right beside each other. Jennie feels a lump on her throat form, and she starts to feel a bit warm. She’s glad that she’s been drinking because she’s pretty sure her cheeks are flushed. 

_Say a few things just to win it, funny how it works out, innit?_

Seulgi pulls on the string on her hoodie so that Jennie can’t help but move towards her. Their faces are inches apart now.

“I’m really glad you’re here, even if you didn’t want to be,” Seulgi says while staring down at her lips. 

Jennie raises her hand to Seulgi’s cheek. The contact drives her mad. “It’s not that I didn’t want to be here…” 

Jennie knows what she wants to say but she doesn’t know how to say it. 

_And she told me, "Some things just take time, how can you be sure if you won't try?"_

“If you say something you regret, you never have to see me again,” Seulgi says while grabbing Jennie’s hand and planting a kiss on her wrist. 

“Look at me, I’m in sweats and I don’t have any makeup on. I’m a mess! And YOU! You still look at me that way!” Jennie takes her hand back and leans back, hoping to create some distance between them,

Seulgi puts her hands over her eyes. “Okay, I’m not looking, so say what you want to say”. 

_And it's been playing on my mind, unfortunately, I've been to this place in my life, far too many times_

Jennie pulls down Seulgi’s hands and takes them in her. She looks down at them while saying, “I’m scared, Seulgi...” _because you make me feel things I’ve never felt before,_ she finishes saying in her head. 

“Why are you scared?” Seulgi asks while putting her fingers on Jennie’s chin so that the girl is looking at her instead of her hands. 

“I’m scared because you’re an unknown and I’m not used to dealing with unknowns.” 

“Okay…what if, we take out some of those unknowns?” 

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re used to dealing with contracts right?”

“How do you know that? We haven’t talked about what I do for a living.”

“You just look like it. My guess is you’re a lawyer or something.”

“Do I give out a lawyery vibe to you?”

“Your phone case costs more than my entire wardrobe combined!”

Jennie squeezes her hands tightly, causing Seulgi to pull hers away. 

“A very hot lawyer. High powered girls may or may not be my kink,” Seulgi says laughing. Jennie pretends to be mad but Seulgi takes her hand and pinches Jennie’s cheek. She’s been wanting to do that for longer than she’s been wanting to kiss her. 

Seulgi pulls a piece of paper and pen out of her pocket. She writes the word “contract” right on top of it. 

“Okay what’s item number one?” Seulgi asks Jennie while waiting for her to figure out what she’s trying to do. “It’s a getting to know each other contract, so you won’t feel scared.” 

When Jennie still doesn’t respond, she decides to start. “Okay number one: always be honest with each other,” she writes across the tiny piece of paper. 

Jennie laughs at the barely legible scribbles that are right in front of her. Has Seulgi always been this cute or is it the alcohol or the music? 

“That’s a big one, Kang Seulgi,” Jennie finally says. “Can’t we start with ‘I promise to always think Jennie is beautiful even when she’s stressed or she’s not wearing makeup?’”

“Okay that can be number one,” Seulgi says. 

Honesty has never been Jennie’s strong suit. She’s so used to keeping things so close to her chest all these years that she doesn’t even know what it feels like to have the freedom to say or feel whatever she wants, whenever she wants. 

“What are you hiding from me, Miss Kim?” Seulgi asks her after crossing out the first thing she wrote. 

“I’m not hiding anything, it’s just…hard for me to open up.”

Seulgi stands up, which throws Jennie off for a minute but she comes back with a new bottle and fresh glasses for them.

“Here, look, I wrote something while you were gone”

Seulgi takes the paper and reads the second item in their contract. “No pressure, no expectations”.

“Look and I already signed it!” Jennie says excitedly as she flashes a really gummy smile. 

“That was easier than I thought it would be,” Seulgi says as she signs her name right beside Jennie’s. 

Seulgi tugs at the strings on Jennie’s hoodie and pulls her closer. “You know what we have to do to make it official right?” 

And they seal it with a kiss. 


	7. The Ballad Of Me And My Brain

Jennie is happy.

And she doubts this happiness constantly.

It’s been months and she manages to keep Seulgi separate from the rest of her life. She likes it that way. Partly because she doesn’t quite see how Seulgi fits into her life, and partly because for the first time in her life, she has something that’s hers and hers alone.

So she spends her nights (and most of her weekends) in places she’s never been to before- in underground bars, and secret concerts, gallery openings, supper clubs and one-man shows. She’s never felt more free to be herself- away from the pressures and expectations of being born who she was.

“I don’t even know when your birthday is,” Seulgi tells her one morning while they’re tangled up in bed basking in all the things they’ve just finished doing to each other. “I keep getting scared that I’ve missed it, that we’re hanging out one day, and it’s your birthday, and I wouldn’t know, and I’d miss the chance to do nice things for you”.

“You do nice things for me all the time,” Jennie says while wiping the worried expression off Seulgi’s face with a barrage of kisses. “It’s on January 16, so you have months to prepare,” showering her with even more kisses.

\--

“Where are you?” Jennie asks while she stands in the middle of an empty record store.

“I’m in the backroom,” Seulgi says with an edge to her voice. 

Seulgi is never grumpy, but tonight she sounds like she is. 

Jennie has never been to the backroom before, always thinking that it was off limits. It’s cramped, filled with boxes of inventory and random objects that have gathered dust.

She takes in the sight that’s right in front of her. Seulgi is slumped over a makeshift desk, surrounded by stacks of receipts, inventory lists, a corner filled with paint and an easel and her computer screen staring back at her.

She looks like she has seen better days.

“I hate math,” Seulgi says when Jennie asks her what’s wrong.

Jennie walks up to her and grabs a stool to sit on. She runs her fingers through Seulgi’s hair, settling her hand to squeeze the back of her neck before taking a seat right beside her. She grabs the laptop to face her and takes a couple of seconds before she starts typing into the keyboard. Her brows knit together in concentration.

Seulgi lifts her head and stares at her, trying to figure out what’s happening.

“I was a business major in college,” Jennie says without looking at her. “I’m just shifting some things around so it’s easier for you to keep track of inventory and expenses. This sheet is more complicated than it should be.”

Jennie chews on her lower lip while running her fingers through her hair. A beat. And her expression changes from a look concentration to one that is victorious.

Seulgi stares at her and at that moment, she knew without a doubt that she was in love.

Jennie turns the laptop so it faces Seulgi. She tries to explain what she’s been working on but she can’t because Seulgi is showering her with kisses and saying, “did I ever tell you, you look really beautiful when you’re thinking?”

“I’m always thinking!” Jennie says while she grabs Seulgi’s face to get her to face the screen.

“Then I guess that means you’re always beautiful!”

“You’re just saying that because you’re contractually obliged!”

“I could tear that piece of paper up right now but I would still tell you you’re beautiful every chance I get”.

Jennie turns to face her and they stare at each other without saying anything. Jennie sees a sweat run down Seulgi’s brow and she can feel the other girl start to breathe heavily.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Don’t be stressed, look I fixed it for you!”

Instead of saying anything, Seulgi stands up and starts pacing around the small room.

Jennie stands up to stop her. She takes Seulgi’s hands and starts rubbing them gently, “hey, hey, what’s wrong? You can tell me.”

Seulgi looks at her with fear in her eyes.

Jennie raises her hands to touch Seulgi’s face, “baby, whatever it is, you can tell me….we can figure it out together”.

For a second, Jennie thinks that this is it for them.

That maybe, it was good while it lasted. Memories of the last two months speed through her mind: the late night drives to nowhere, the dinners, falling asleep beside Seulgi, waking up beside Seulgi, the best sex of her life, the random song and dance numbers in the middle of the day, the good morning texts, the way Seulgi made her feel like she was loved for who she was, the way Seulgi made her feel seen---

“I have something to tell you but I don’t….I don’t want you to get mad…” Seulgi finally says.

Jennie knew that whatever it was, she would forgive her. She wasn’t ready for this to be over.

Seulgi looks like she’s having a panic attack right in front of her.

Jennie tells her to breathe, while saying the words out loud so Seulgi can follow.

“Inhale.”

“Exhale.”

“Inhale.”

“Exhale.”

“Inhale.”

“Ex---”

“Jennie, I love you.”

Jennie stares at her in shock. She feels a warm sensation run through her body, her heartbeat doesn’t seem to want to to slow down.

Seulgi hides her face in her hands, feeling both dread and relief at the same time.

“Look, I know our contract said no pressure and no expectations…”

“Did you just have a panic attack because you wanted to tell me that you loved me?”

Seulgi tries to read the expression on Jennie’s face- her brows are frowed together, her lips are pursed.

“It’s just…I’ve never said that before and I didn’t know if----” Seulgi feels a pair of lips crash into her before she can finish her sentence.

"Why...why do you know that you love me?" 

"I love you because you're you." 

"That's a copout answer, Kang and you know it. You barely know anything about me."

"I love you because for some strange reason you love eating my crappy cooking as much as you love my omma's mandu."

Jennie laughs at that but she knows it's true. 

"I love you because you help me solve complex inventory issues"

Jennie bites down on her lower lip. 

"I love you because when you hear a song you like, you give into it completely. I love you because you take care of me, and you let me take care of you. I love that you're so smart, that you know so much about everything. I love you because even when I think you're mad, I know that's actually your happy face. I love you because even though you're a mystery, I know that whenever we're together you're with me completely."

They sink into the kiss as they clear the table and let their bodies say all the things they can’t say to each other.

It’s only later that night when Jennie is fast asleep right beside her on her bed that Seulgi realizes that Jennie didn’t actually say "I Love You" back.


	8. A Change of Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mean Jennie and Confused Seulgi
> 
> For goodness sake  
> I wasn't told you'd be this cold

Jennie is on edge.

It’s early morning in Hipjiro and she’s surrounded by her team as they go around the neighborhood assessing the buildings they want to buy. 

She knows that there’s no way Seulgi is up and about right now but she was still dreading this day when she saw it on her calendar. She tried to get out of it, but she knew that there was no way around it. Her obligation to her work outweighed whatever irrational fear she had of running into Seulgi.

But luck was not on her side that day. 

Seulgi spots her from far away while she was walking to the record store. She wonders what her girlfriend was doing in this side of town surrounded by a bunch of people she’s never met. She watches Jennie for a second, barely recognizing the woman she’s been seeing these last couple of months. This Jennie is stiffer, dressed in a tailored black coat, silk dress shirt, red lipstick and high heels- it’s almost like  _ her  _ Jennie had an evil twin. 

Seulgi thinks that this Jennie wouldn’t even give her the time of day. Which is ridiculous because this is the same Jennie who begs her to make her pancakes on the days that they wake up beside each other, pancakes that she always screws up but the girl seems to love anyway. This is the same Jennie who puffs up her cheeks whenever she wants something, the same Jennie who has an irrational fear of onions. The same Jennie whose polaroid she keeps in the back of her cell phone case. The same Jennie that her mom loves, the same Jennie that Wendy and Joy love, the same Jennie that she loves. 

It’s her Jennie so why is she standing here watching her? Seulgi brushes all her insecurities aside and decides to walk up to  _ her _ girlfriend. 

Jennie freezes when she sees Seulgi walking up to her. She tries to look away, to pretend that this isn’t happening. But she knows resistance is futile. 

“What are you doing here?” Seulgi says brightly, making an attempt to lean in for a kiss but she’s met with an outstretched hand instead. Jennie’s staff tries to ignore what’s happening. 

“Seulgi-ssi, this is a surprise,” Jennie says with a tone of formality that Seulgi has never heard from her before. Not even when they roleplay as CEO and intern in the bedroom.

Seulgi has an out-of-body experience as the two of them make small talk. Jennie tells her that she’s here for work, using words like “acquisitions”, “gentrification” and “evaluation”, that Seulgi doesn’t know what to do with. But she takes the hint- the way Jennie smiles at her, the way her eyes dart back to the people around her, the way Jennie doesn’t make a move to touch her. Seulgi knows she’s not wanted here, so she puts Jennie out of her misery by saying a curt goodbye and walking away. 


	9. It's Not Living

Jennie screwed up.

And she knows that. But she doesn’t know how to fix it. So she ignores the problem until she knows how to solve it. 

She gives Seulgi the excuse that she’s busy with work so they don’t see each other for weeks after the “incident”. Which is a lie, because Jennie has always made time for Seulgi, regardless of how busy she was. 

“I don’t know, maybe I should tell her the truth about...everything,” Jennie says as her friends stare back at her in disbelief. 

“I’m sorry, I’m still stuck on the part that you had a girlfriend you’ve been keeping from us for five months,” her friend Jisoo says from across the table. 

“I’m still stuck on the part that you’ve been slumming it in Hipjiro while flaking on us all this time,” Lisa says from right beside her. 

This gets a laugh from the table. 

It’s funny because it’s true. Jennie has barely seen or replied to any of Jisoo, Lisa and Rose’s messages since she met Seulgi and the fact that her friends all gathered around her without question is not lost on her. 

“I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA, I’m sorry that I’ve kept this from you, and most of all I’m sorry that I’ve been a bad friend,” she tells the three women keeping her company.

“Don’t be sorry, Mandu. You’re in love. We’ve all done questionable things when we’re in love,” Rose tells her while Jisoo and Lisa nod in encouragement.

“And as much as I’d like to claim that I was your first love, I know that whatever went on between us wasn’t as serious as this,” Jisoo says with a spark in her eye. 

The statement hits her like a speeding truck- was she in love?

“Okay, that might be an exaggeration,” Jennie says while she empties out their third bottle of champagne. She signals the waiter to bring around a new bottle. 

Her friends look at each other with an expression that says “okay, girl, whatever helps you sleep at night” and she decides to ignore it. 

“Isn’t it funny that Jennie has hit on everyone in this table?” Lisa says in an attempt to make the mood lighter. 

“Wait, Jennie has never hit on me!” Rose says with a confused look on her face.

Now everyone laughs, including Jennie. 

“Chaeyoung! You’re so dense!” Jennie says, louder than she expected it to be. “Paris. Fashion week. 2017. But you were too busy with Halsey to even give me the time of day!”

Rose turns pink when she hears the name of her one-time fling. 

“Oh my god, Kim. Stop it. If that was your attempt at hitting on me, then it’s a miracle you get Seulgi to stick around for all these months.” 

“Thanks for the practice,” Jennie says with a wink, while trying to mask the warmth that rushed through her body when she heard Seulgi’s name. 

She missed her. And she knew all her friends could see right through her when she saw the sympathetic looks they gave her. Lisa wraps her in a tight hug as she leans her on her shoulder. 

“Being in love sucks,” she says in a petulant huff. 

“Yes it does. But you’re Jennie Kim, the youngest and first CEO of Kim industries,” Jissoo says in an attempt to cheer her up. 

“Chanel muse at age 19!” Lisa adds. 

“One of Tatler’s most eligible bachelorettes!” Rose teases. 

But Jennie knew those weren’t any of the things that she wanted to be loved for. 

She stands up, takes her black card out of her wallet and puts it on the table. 

“I love you guys but I have somewhere I need to be. Thanks for helping me figure that out.”

She gives everyone a quick hug before she leaves. 

“Go get her, Jennie Kim!” she hears her friends cheer as she rushes to the door. 


	10. Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a new POV :)

Seulgi is devastated.

The last two weeks haven’t been easy for her - Jennie has been ignoring her and the record store is closing down because they can no longer afford to pay the rent. 

She spends the last night in High Fidelity painting a mural on the walls of the empty space- a last F you to the tyrants who are kicking them out.

A pile of records and a bottle of whisky keep her company as she attempts to drown out everything is feeling. 

_ Life feels like a lie, I need something to be true _ …

Seulgi thinks about how this record store saved her when she got kicked out of art school. She would always drop by after her classes to look at the record covers- her favorite works of art. The owner, an elderly gentleman who has since retired, took pity on her and gave her a job.

It’s been five years but she’s still here. She wonders what she’s supposed to do now. 

_ Life feels like there's something missing, maybe it's you. _

Seulgi hears the door open but she doesn’t turn around to see who it is. She doesn’t look back because she doesn’t want to be disappointed, she’s had enough of that these past few weeks. 

_ Is there anybody out there? _

So Seulgi continues to paint, focusing on the strokes she’s making, denying herself that little bit of hope that she knows might break her. But then she feels a tug on her hoodie. Her breath catches and her heart starts beating faster. 

Seulgi takes a deep breath and musters the courage to turn around, and when she does, she sees

Jennie standing there. 

  
  


Seulgi can’t find the words she wants to say, so she collapses into Jennie’s arms, releasing everything she’s been holding on to. 

“Where have you been?” Seulgi says, barely a whisper. “I really, really, really needed you.” 

She lets Jennie hold her while they let the silence take over. She knows that she deserves more but for now, this is enough.


	11. Playing On My Mind

Seulgi is tired.

But at least Jennie is at her side. She doesn’t really ask her about what happened, or where she’s been, so she spends the night talking about what’s been happening, and sharing memories of this space that has meant so much to her. 

“But I mean, I’m your favorite memory right?” Jennie asks in that way that she does when she knows for certain that the answer is yes. 

“That image of you dancing in the middle of the store will forever be etched into my memory.”

“I was thinking of that night we spent doing it in the backroom, but I guess us meeting is a good memory too,” Jennie takes Seulgi’s face into her hands to look at her. She showers her face with kisses like she did countless times in the past but this time, Seulgi doesn’t smile.

“This place was the only thing I had,” Seulgi says, feeling so broken. 

Jennie knows this is her fault. She did this. All her resolve and conviction about telling Seulgi the truth dissolve in an instant. Because she knew that if she did, she would lose her forever. 

So she keeps her mouth shut and lets Seulgi dissolve into tears while she wraps her arms around her. 

When it’s time for them to leave, Seulgi gathers what little there is left into a bag. She puts the record player and the pile of records and packs them into a box. She walks over to Jennie and gives it to her. 

“When you walked in here that day, I didn’t really know what you were looking for, but I remember being so excited to share this world with you but you ended up not buying anything that day….so here.” 

Jennie is on the verge of tears, because despite having lost such a big part of her life, Seulgi was still able to find it in her heart to give. She feels like a horrible person. 

Seulgi looks at her while waiting for an answer. 

“I can’t take this,” Jennie finally says, “I can’t take any more from you. When I came here that day, I got exactly what I was looking for and it was you.”


End file.
